


slipping through my fingers all the time

by butmomilovemyboys



Series: when you lose something  you can’t replace; when you love someone, but it goes to waste [3]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Carol Danvers, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exhaustion, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kinda, Mamma Mia! References, Parent Carol Danvers, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, just thought it was safer to put it there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 12:26:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19085005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butmomilovemyboys/pseuds/butmomilovemyboys
Summary: They make their way back to the couch, where Carol places Ninja Turtle ice packs wrapped in paper towels on either side of him. He doesn’t protest to her when she makes him take about six Advils, nor does he protest when she lifts his head onto her lap. She stares down at his big doe eyes, the ones filled with un-shed tears.“Peter, can I tell you something?” She smooths down his hair, and trait she finds most people do to him.“Sure.”She looks him dead in the eye. “It wasn’t your fault.”~or the one where peter grieves, carol helps, and then they watched mamma mia





	slipping through my fingers all the time

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to "im gay for carol, love peter, and bopping to mamma mia" fanfic.  
> it's also touched on here that peter has a hard time eating, and eating disorders are no joke(believe me, i know). but im no medical professional, so this was purely just for story sake and please feel free to politely say something if you dont think its accurate

Carol Danvers met Peter Parker the day he came back to life. She had seen many heroes before, one who fought with bravery and freedom, ones who fought for family and friends, ones who fought for the fate of the world. Ones who fought only for themselves. But as she watched the boy cradle the most powerful weapon in the universe, she saw something different. Peter Parker was fighting for everything. He was giving his all, and for some reason, Carol’s heart swelled with pride. 

But she didn’t anticipate to hurt for him as she watched Tony Stark die. 

She had seen Stark mourn for the boy in the last five years. And she buried the feeling of grief it gave her to see the picture of the teenage boy with the word  _ Deceased  _ underneath it. She buried her guilt for Stark’s inner turmoil. She loved Monica Rambeau with all her heart, with the countless Christmas’ and birthdays she made her way secretly home to. She assumed that the boy was like that with Stark.

So as she watched Rhodey wrap his metal-clad arms around the boy, as Pepper Potts placed a tearful kiss on Stark’s cheek, she felt her own eyes water. 

Eventually, she saw Pepper let go, motioning to Rhodey to get his best friend. They traded places, with Pepper engulfing Peter with her arms, smoothing down his unruly hair, whispering things Carol couldn’t quite make out. She could, however, make out the sobs escaping from the boy, including soft, little _I’m so sorry_ _Pepper_ ’s. A quick look around and she saw more tears, from the team members she knew and the ones she didn’t alike. But none of their eyes were on Tony. None of them were on Rhodey as he lifted his brother into his arms, slowly taking flight towards the destroyed Avengers tower. No, all their eyes were on Pepper and Peter, the ones who were rocking each other back and forth, the ones who sobbed. The ones who were left behind. 

Carol’s thoughts drifted back to little Morgan, who she only met a couple times and already loved. Everyone loved Morgan. She was a little sliver of light in the dark, dark world. 

How does one tell their daughter that her father won’t be returning to her? How does one explain that he wielded the most powerful weapon in the universe and paid its price? How do you explain the reverse of loss? That everyone who died is back? But her father won’t be? Those are thing that don’t have an easy explanation. 

She watched Pepper place another kiss to Peter’s forehead. 

She doesn’t know Peter’s whole story. She knows he’s Spider-Man and she knows he’s young. But she vows, in that moment, that she will always be there for Peter Parker. 

 

~

She finds Peter recovering from his own nightly patrol on top of a apartment building about a month after. She was in New York again for some Avengers meetings, and Pepper had tipped her off that Parker might need her. 

_ “FRIDAY says he hasn’t moved in a while. And he’s got a couple minor injuries.” She gave a sad smile. “I got worried and checked when he didn’t show up for the meeting.”  _

_ Carol returned the small smile. “I’ll go check up on him.” _

When she retreaches him, she can see the swollen eye and busted lip from ten feet away. He doesn’t see her at first, so she takes the time to get a good look at him. He sniffles slightly, his face glowing slightly in the light of the moon with tears. 

_ “Peter, you have two broken ribs and a fever of 104. I strongly suggest you head home and get some Aspirin in you.”  _ A voice speaks from his suit. Carol’s heart pangs in sympathy. 

“I’m fine, Karen. I just need a minute,” Peter grits. 

_ “Peter-” _

“I said I’m fine!” He yells, tossing his mask to the ground. 

Carol sees her que. “Hey, Peter. Squirt.” 

Peter gasps and turns around. “Ms. Danvers, I didn’t-” 

“It’s Carol, kid. What are you doing up here?” She asks. 

Peter blushes; she can see it of the light of nearby buildings. “Thinking.” He doesn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“You alright?” 

He looks like he’s going to say yes. Like he’ll brush her off and say she’s crazy for thinking he wasn’t. 

But then he sighs, and she can see the tears leak out. 

“Not particularly.” He says weakly. 

Carol makes her way over to embrace him. “Ah, Kiddo.” 

He doesn’t hesitate to let her take him in her arms. In fact, he seems to have wanted it, as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. 

“I’m sorry, Carol—” 

“No apologies, Peter. You’re all set,” she responds, rubbing circles on his back. 

“It’s just so hard without him!” His voice is slightly muffled. “And I can’t sleep, not without seeing him-” he trailed off. Carol felt him go a bit limper with exhaustion. 

“You’re overworking yourself trying to not think of him, right?” Carol tempts. 

Peter nods. “I don’t know how to stop.” 

There was an overwhelming heat coming off of the young boy. He was exhausted. Emotional and physically. 

“That’s alright, that’s alright. We’re here to help you.” She thinks for a moment. “I’m here to help you.” He nods again, giving her a small squeeze. “But your suit lady is right, we need to get you home.” 

“May isn’t there.” He replies weakly. “Business trip.”

“That’s alright, I know first aid.” 

“Carol?” He interrupts. 

“What’s up?”

He pulls away from her chest. “I’m probably about to pass out.” 

And he does. Very ungracefully. His eyes roll back as his body falls forward into her, the heat waving off of him. 

“Woah!” She barely catches him before he crashes into her. “Cool. This is...cool.” 

She manages to pick him up into her arms, and even with the superpowers, he was pretty light. Whether it was from reasons she didn’t know or the spider powers, she wasn’t sure.  

She manages to make their way to his apartment, stealthily entering  through the window without making a scene or waking Peter. 

When she said she knew first-aid, she kind of lied. She wasn’t anticipating the kid to just  _ pass the fuck out _ in her arms. She just thought that maybe she could pop a couple ibuprofen in him and ice his broken ribs. He had speed-healing, right? 

But no, he was worse than she thought. 

She carefully lays him onto the couch, frowning at the way he moaned painfully. 

“Sorry, my dude,” she whispers, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “I’ll be right back.” 

She makes her way to the bathroom, rummaging through the white cabinets for some sort of medicine. There were bottles of things with such long names that she was afraid she might kill him if she tried to give it to him. 

“Aspirin…” she whispers in a sing-song voice. “Come out, come out wherever you are…”

“You’re not gonna find anything strong enough in there.” Peter’s voice enters the bathroom. 

Carol jumps back at the noise. “Peter! Kid, go lay back down.” 

He leans on the door frame. “I think I’m okay.” 

His brow was drenched in sweat, his eyes beady and red. Obviously not okay. 

“Hey, Suit-Lady?” Carol smirks. 

_ “Yes?”  _ She answers. Peter scowls at the voice in his suit. 

“Read me his vitals, will you?” 

_ “Of course.  Peter has two broken ribs, a fever of 105 degrees, and is exhibiting symptoms of exhaustion and lack of nutrition.”  _

Peter looks down in shame, knowing he’s been caught red-handed. 

And Carol? She simply lays a hand on Peter’s shoulder, and lays the other one on his warm cheek. “When’s the last time you ate?” 

Peter huffs out a breath. “I eat. He just doesn’t stay down.”

“How long has this been going on?” Carol wonders. 

“The last month.” Peter whispers mournfully. 

Carol felt like wrapping him up from the horrors of the world right then and there. “Oh, babe…” 

She watches the tears leak out of his eyes. “Every time-Every time I try, I just...I see him.” 

There was pain in his eyes, memories dancing in his mind. She could see it just by looking at him. 

“Lets ice those ribs,  alright? Then you and I are talking.” She offers. 

Peter sniffs and nods, trying for a smile. “Alright.”

They make their way back to the couch, where Carol places Ninja Turtle ice packs wrapped in paper towels on either side of him. He doesn’t protest to her when she makes him take about six Advils, nor does he protest when she lifts his head onto her lap. She stares down at his big doe eyes, the ones filled with unshed tears. 

“Peter, can I tell you something?” She smoothes down his hair, and trait she finds most people do to him. 

“Sure.” 

She looks him dead in the eye. “It wasn’t your fault.” 

It acts like a trigger, like he had been waiting for  _ someone  _ to just acknowledge that one feeling, acknowledge the fact he felt that way. He sits up, and Carol is ready with the hug. “I swear it, squirt, you did not help kill Tony Stark.”

“He couldn’t even  _ see  _ me…” Peter sobs. “Does he know I said goodbye?”

“I think so, babe.” She confirms.

Peter Parker was many things. Spider-Man, a student, a nephew, a son, and a hero. But he was also just a child. One who had seen too many dark and scary things for his whole seventeen years. 

They stay like that, embracing in the dark of the Queens apartment for a couple minutes, before she decides to get some food in him. 

“I think we should have a movie night. And a pizza?” She tries.

Peter pulls back, wiping his eyes with his fingers. “Alright.” 

She smiles, grabbing for the TV remote. “Any suggestions?”

“We could watch  _ Mamma Mia,”  _ Peter suggests. 

“What the Hell is  _ Mamma Mia?”  _ She questions. 

Peter gawks at her. “Probably the best movie of all time!” He winced as he moved to grab the remote from her. “You like ABBA?”

“Of course I like ABBA. Everyone likes ABBA.”

“Exactly! So they made a musical based on the songs! And then a movie!” Peter exclaimes, the pain being replaced with childlike wonder. 

She smirks at his happiness. “What about?”

“Oh, gee, like, this girl who doesn’t have a dad, so she sends invitations to her wedding to her mom’s lovers to figure out which, all on this Greek island…” 

 

~

She knows Peter won’t magically be cured of all grief with one movie night. He might not be able to keep the pizza down, maybe he’ll cry some more, but she’s content with his fever lessening and the fact that so far he’s got two slices in him.

The movie is great, but she has more fun singing along with Peter to  _ Dancing Queen  _ and  _ Voulez-Vous _ than actually watching the movie. 

During the  _ Slipping Through My Fingers _ scene, Peter doesn’t look away from the screen. 

“This scene always got Tony,” he says slowly. Carol let her eyes fall on him. “Never really understood why. I guess I kinda do now.” 

“He loved you a lot, bud,” she replies. 

Peter nods, wiping his cheeks. “Yeah, I know.” 

She regards him doze off during the credits, so she slowly gets up and turns off the lights and TV. She lays a nearby blanket over him, careful not wake him.

“Suit-Lady, how’s he doing?” She whispers. 

_ “His ribs have healed themselves and his fever has gone down to an even 100 degrees and dropping. He’ll be alright by tomorrow with good rest,”  _ Suit-Lady whispers back. 

“Cool,” she nods. “I might check back up on him tomorrow.”

She places a platonic kiss on his cooled-down forehead, brushing his hair away again. “Everything’s gonna be a-okay, Peter Parker. You’ll see.”

And with quiet steps, she leaves out the window and into the sky, with  _ Thank You For The Music  _ reeling in her ears. 


End file.
